Not just an incubus song.
Sometimes we inadvertently, or unknowingly put our lives in the hands of someone or something else. Maybe it’s occurred at work, in relationships, or with life circumstances that have pushed us down a path.
We flounder.
We blame.
We begin to *wish* and *hope* that we could have someone else’s life. Or look like someone else. Or be as successful as someone else.
Why?
We all have different reasons for looking over our own shoulders. We hope that something will rescue us from ourselves, or tell us the right path to take. We wonder what it’s like to live with the greener grass that’s down the street.
Guess what? You’re not everyone. You are YOU. And this is the opportunity that we need to recognize and appreciate. My nose is huge. Learning has never come easy for me. I never got attention from boys when I was a kid because I was a late bloomer. I was rejected from many jobs I applied to.
All of these insecurities and negative things have made me, me. Stuff like this needs to be embraced—heck, even celebrated. We need the courage to understand why we are the way we are, and use our experiences to help us build a life aligned with our values.
Here’s something to ask yourself: Did you actively choose to be where you’re at right now with your life and career? Or do you *wish* you were somewhere else? It’s ok if you’re not where you want to be. That’s the beauty of life. We can change and grow.
The big question though: How do we get all the pieces to fall into place?
Sometimes the pieces don’t fall into place and we have to try elsewhere. Sometimes the dog might have eaten a few of the pieces and they’ll never fall into place either. I don’t know the answer to this question, but I am trying to find out. And I can tell you something that’s really worked out well for me.
A few years back, I read a book (and by read I mean listened to the audiobook) called Principles by Ray Dalio. It covers life-changing principles that can be applied to your work and life. The keyword here is applied. The book gave me the tools and process to find some pieces of the puzzle that were missing for me AND were a good fit for the life that I want (goals) and how I live my life (values). I’m talking about my personal life in this case. I won’t get too far into it, but would be happy to discuss the epoch of my online dating adventures over coffee. I digress.
The biggest takeaway from the book:
Discover your own nature (values) and match your life to it.
Sounds easy. Until you start to do some personal inventory of what your values are. I made a list, came back to it about 10 times over a few months, and then started to write some goals down related to the things that were most important to me: Career, Family/Friends, Lifestyle, Future Husband.
I then assessed those categories in relation to my personal values. Surprisingly, things were fairly aligned, but I came to a glaring realization: there was a great mismatch in the ‘value’ / ‘future husband’ approach I was taking. I adjusted my approach to align with my values. When things weren’t feeling ‘right’, I looked back at my values and could easily see why stuff wasn’t aligning. Doing this helped me to get out of my own way because I knew what to look for in a more objective way and no longer wasted my time or the time of others. (BTW—I found my future husband. Thanks, Ray Dalio).
Last thing I’ll say: Write your values and goals down in a readily accessible place. Don’t just squirrel them away into your junk drawer or toss them into the digital abyss of your saved google docs. I kept mine on my notes app in my phone and still look at them and adjust often.
If you take action and steps to build a life according to your values and goals, you won’t have to passively *wish* and *hope* for things to happen, and things will begin to "feel" right, on your own terms.
